Whether or not you care about football, odds are you’re familiar with Manchester City’s Erling Haaland. The 6ft 4in striker, highest scorer in the Premier League and Norwegian nepo baby (his father played for Leeds and City), has emerged as the most exciting footballer in the modern game. Able to plunder goals like no other player, at just 22 he’s already racked up numbers that border on comic (a record-breaking 35 goals in 31 Premier League games this season following last night’s win against West Ham) – doing so by moving in the box like an elegant bull in an otherwise robustly defended china shop.
Huge, with bee-stung lips, Thor-like hair and a body forged on cooked liver and blue-top milk that somehow manages to be both wiry and thick, he has also revealed himself to be a snappy dresser. He has appeared on the covers of GQ and Icon magazine, a Zoomer Ronaldo with a weakness for fun Dolce & Gabbana prints, big watches and the sort of conspicuous logos typified by Baden Baden-era Wags. All of which he likes to document on Instagram. Well, he’s got to spend that money somewhere!
1. Smooth operator …
When you’re as massive as Haaland, your off-pitch priority is comfort and ease, something the Norwegian has achieved through many, many pairs of silk pyjamas. The low-key blue geometric-print (main picture, above) Parco dei Principi set by Dolce & Gabbana is inspired by Italian majolica, the elaborate pottery seen in the White Lotus 2, the combined cost of which is more than £2K. Known in the changing room as the sartorial equivalent of an ice bath, and worn here on some sort of Mediterranean jetty, fancy pyjamas are also considered to be “the new sweatpants” according to the Wall Street Journal.
2. Short cuts
Most footballers are contractually obliged to wear Burberry at some point during their too-short careers, and now it’s Haaland’s turn. At £1,680, this ludicrously incapacious silk short suit in the brand’s signature tones might be an unwelcome reminder of the difference between his tax bracket and yours, but it’s more modestly priced than some of his nightwear. As for the shape, it is bang on trend. Short suits are the summer’s big look at John Lewis and M&S.
3. The wild one
Watching Haaland kick back on a neutral sofa in these leopard-print PJs, also by Dolce & Gabbana, is like watching a lion unwind after a hunt – albeit a lion with a Rolex Daytona watch worth £110,900, a top button left raffishly undone and a fresh pedicure. If you think this look is camp, note that Barcelona striker Robert Lewandowski has been known to turn up to training in a Dolce & Gabbana pinstripe tracksuit.
4. Flamingo pose
Like tree rings, you can often age the player by the length of his hair, and this 2021 shot of teenage Haaland with a slicked back bob shows an early predilection for his low-key, beachy look. Once again by Dolce & Gabbana, this time in collaboration with rapper DJ Khaled, Haaland chose to accessorise this look with a £350 pair of sliders. Well, at least it’s not pyjamas.
5. True blue
A rare British outing for this pyjama top – or rather a crisp, structured, slightly creased, sky-blue, Hugh Hefner-esque nightshirt by (yes) Dolce & Gabbana. This time Haaland chose to pair his jimjams with loose cream trousers while presumably ordering some sort of lean protein in a high-end Manchester restaurant.
6. The Tiffany touch
Some said it was only matter of time before two corporate juggernauts jostling for marketing buzz found a shared vision. Not Haaland and City owner, Sheikh Mansour, but Tiffany and Nike, who last year collaborated in a collection of trainers and clothes which, for various reasons (taste, income), was only worn by select sportsmen, as well as Beyoncé and Jay-Z. If the trainers alone cost upwards of £1,500, I dread to think how much the whole look set him back.
7. Luscious locks
Statistically speaking, Haaland is 23% hair, something he occasionally likes to remind us of when he is entering the final stages of a routing. This hair-down look revealed itself in the final moments of last week’s formidable battering against Arsenal, in which he scored the fourth and entirely unnecessary goal in the final minutes. As for the Greta Thunberg plaits worn in training, football is well known for its aggressively directional haircuts. Like Samson, his seems to get longer as he gets stronger. No wonder Haaland says he’ll never cut his.
