Toni Lodge spends a lot of time making people laugh. The podcast she co-hosts, Toni and Ryan, releases five episodes a week and receives over a million downloads every month – making it one of Australia’s biggest hits. Now, Lodge is taking her TMI brand of humour to the page. This week she released her memoir, I Don’t Need Therapy (and Other Lies I Tell Myself) – lies like “I would never steal butter from a staff room fridge”.
Her busy career means she spends a lot of time on the road. The item that’s always in her carry-on is a very expensive hairstyling tool that Lodge swears by. Here, she tells us about that indispensable appliance, as well as the story of two other important personal belongings.
What I’d save from my house in a fire
This may make me seem extremely vapid, but if we’re assuming I have saved my boyfriend, dog and birth certificate, I think I’d save a handbag of my mum’s. Not just any handbag though – a legit Glomesh bag from the 80s.
I remember her getting ready for fancy nights out with my dad or her girlfriends and moving her essentials out of her gigantic work handbag into this tiny clutch. I’d think this was the true epitome of being a grownup: going from day to night. She’d slip her lipstick and credit card into this tiny bag and sling it over her shoulder, and I thought she was a celebrity.
Plus, Glomesh bags are worth heaps on eBay now – so if my house fire insurance doesn’t come through, I could hock it for a place to live.
My most useful object
It would have to be my Dyson AirWrap. I promise this isn’t sponsored – but there’s truly nothing that baby can’t fix.
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Wet hair? Bang, dry! Straight hair? Bang, curly! Frizzy hair? Forget about it, sweetheart, that hair is smooth as silk. Plus, I think because it acts as so many appliances in one, it’s a good bang-for-your-buck useful object. There are probably other people trying to answer this question and having to decide between their hairdryer, curler and straightener. Not me!
Until recently I’d never travelled for work but I’m now finding myself living out of a suitcase a couple of days a week, and the AirWrap is always in my carry-on. Could not live without.
The item I most regret losing
I always grew up with dogs. I’m a dog person. Most of the kids I grew up with didn’t have dogs, or any pets for that matter. They would always be jealous of me because I had pets (and a pool). I remember feeling really cool, until the other girls made up their own pets. They’d have plush toy dogs and those little flour-filled balloons (Floonies) that you could make a face with. And Sea Monkeys. I wanted Sea Monkeys so desperately, but Mum said no.
To fit in, I needed a quirky pet – desperately. So I collected a snail from the garden, popped it into a two-litre yoghurt container, filled it with sticks and leaves, and covered it over the top with cling wrap. I poked some holes in it (obviously, I’m not a monster) and showed mum my new best friend, Happy the snail.
That night, I was so proud of Happy that when mum was taking us to the video shop, I took the snail with me. I figured I might be able to show off my cool, quirky pet if I ran into any of the girls from school. With Happy securely inside the yoghurt container, wrapped in my arms, we trotted down to the shop.
When we got home with our video, I realised I’d left Happy behind , and forced mum to call the shop and see if he was there. But he couldn’t be found. Vale, Happy the snail.
