After living in India with a Hare Krishna community, Hania didn’t know what to expect from a conventional lifestyle when she moved to western Massachusetts in the late 80s. “I’ve always been interested in spirituality, but after a long time travelling and living away, I wanted to explore life at home while working as a political fundraiser,” she says. In the autumn of 1989, she decided to take a break and go on a 10-day silent meditation retreat near her home.
It was there that she first set eyes on Shoba. “I was living in Boston and working for an engineering firm,” says Shoba. “I was just learning to meditate, but I’d never done 10 days in silence before. I saw Hania on the first day and remember thinking, ‘She’s done this a lot.’” As the days passed, they noticed that they got up at the same time for meditation practice and their schedules were in sync.
In the evening, they attended lectures. “I noticed that Shoba would laugh out loud, which people never usually did, but I loved that. I saw her sitting on the grass one day and I thought, ‘I’m going to travel across the country with that woman.’”
Towards the end of the retreat, Shoba was starting to yearn for the real world, “but then Hania walked past me and it was like the softest blanket went over me,” she says.
At the end of their stay, they were finally able to speak to each other. “We asked each other where we lived and what we did,” says Hania. “We asked questions about each other’s lives and found out pretty quickly that we both liked women.” Sensing their shared connection, Shoba asked Hania to go on a date. A few days later, they went to watch a movie near Hania’s home, which turned into a three-day date. “Nothing happened between us then, because I wanted to wait until we fell in love,” says Shoba.
Hania admits she wasn’t sure if she was ready for a serious relationship. “Shoba wasn’t vegetarian then, and that was an issue for me. I was a bit of a fanatic at that point,” she laughs.
But over the next few weeks they stayed in touch, having long calls before work every morning. “Our connection just got stronger and stronger,” says Hania. Shoba came to visit again, and this time Hania knew she was “the one”. “She kissed me on the cheek and electricity went through me.”
In 1990, they moved into an apartment together in western Massachusetts, and the following year they went to India together for seven months. “We did that every winter for the next nine years,” says Shoba. “I would work six-month contracts for engineering firms to pay for it and we would rent out our apartment to students.” Hania had various jobs as a teacher, carpenter and childminder.
In 1999, Shoba went to study acupuncture in Santa Barbara, California, supported by Hania. “She lacked confidence to start with, but I encouraged her to keep going because I knew she’d be amazing at it.” She practised in several places across the US, while Hania taught yoga. Last year, they retired and moved to Portugal together. “We live in Nazaré, which is famous for its huge waves, and we love going for walks on the beach,” says Hania. Although they celebrated their relationship with a ceremony on the banks of the Ganges in 1994, it wasn’t legally binding, so in 2022 they were married in Oregon.
Hania loves her partner’s tenderness and gentle demeanour. “There’s something about the way I love her that squeezes my heart. When she goes away, I miss her so much.”
Shoba appreciates Hania’s spirituality. “She really wants me to be as strong as she is in her spiritual studies. I love that she suggests books for me to read. She’s very funny and a great cook, and she has a sincere kindness.”
