Nicola Slawson, a journalist and author of Single: Living a Complete Life on Your Own Terms, has been single for 10 years. She didn’t think it was going to be possible for her to have a baby. She had looked into solo parenthood, but didn’t think she wouldd be able to afford it.
Then, she became friends with Tom Hayes. He worked at the Hive, an arts centre in Shrewsbury where Nicola was a trustee.
“The first thing we talked about was the fact that all of our friends in Shrewsbury had kids and so didn’t want to hang out with us as much as they used to, and weren’t available to come to the pub. And so that’s what we sort of bonded over.”
Tom is gay, and was also single when they met. He told Nicola he had also looked into solo parenting.
Eventually Nicola worked up the courage to ask Tom if he would consider having a baby with her. She decided an LGBTQ+ history month party at the arts centre was the perfect moment.
“I just started knocking back the wine, and I got really drunk. I was working out what I was going to say. So I grabbed his head and whispered in his ear. I just can’t remember actually asking the question, but I think it was something like: ‘How would you feel about having a baby with me?’ He said: ‘As a donor, or, you know, a dad?’ And I was like: ‘No, I mean let’s do it together.’ And then he’s basically said: ‘Yeah, go on.’”
Last year, Nicola gave birth to a baby girl.
Nicola and Tom tell Helen Pidd about the challenges and joys of having a baby with a friend. “It’s a struggle having a baby, but it’s also amazing,” Tom tells Helen. “It’s just such a privilege, isn’t it, to be there to experience all of that, experience childhood again, and to do it with your best friend. It just felt right.”
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