While everyone’s image of their dream home looks a little different, most people will agree that their ideal neighbourhood is filled with friendly faces and neighbours they can rely on in a time of need, whether it’s watering your garden when you’re away or keeping an eye out for a package while you’re at work.
However, as is the case with all friendships, getting to know your neighbours takes time and effort – though potentially less than you may expect.
In a 2020 report from Settlement Services International, researchers spoke to 334 refugees with permanent residency in Australia. Most of the people interviewed reported high levels of trust in their neighbours, despite difficulties having conversations with them due to language barriers. Instead of lengthy chats over the back fence, this trust was built from simple everyday encounters, proving the power of a smile or quick hello in passing.
There are tangible benefits to getting to know your neighbours. A longitudinal study from researchers at the Australian National University, published earlier this year, found that people with positive social perceptions of their neighbourhoods were less likely to experience depression, anxiety and loneliness over the course of the pandemic.
Nick Tebbey, national executive officer of Relationships Australia, the not-for-profit organisation behind Neighbour Day, says spring is the perfect season to start getting to know your neighbours – even if it’s just with a wave at first. “When the weather starts warming up we’re all spending more time outdoors – the kids are playing outside, you’re out in the garden or going for an evening walk.”
Say g’day
It makes sense that the best way to get to know a neighbour is to first make sure they actually know you’re neighbours. And the easiest way to do that is with short, repeated interactions. “There are always opportunities to make a connection and they can be as small as a nod, a wave or a friendly g’day when you’re putting the bins out,” says Tebbey.
To put yourself in the way of these opportunities, Tebbey suggests timing your outings to take place “when other people are out and about as well”.
Get curious
When it comes to actually introducing yourself to your neighbours, Tebbey notes it’s important to do what feels comfortable, whether that’s leaving a note on a building notice board, posting in a community Facebook group or chatting to someone while you wait for the elevator. The less anxiety you feel about these early introductions, the more likely you are to commit to them.
Once you’ve introduced yourself to a neighbour and the conversation starts to flow, it’s vital to ask questions and – most importantly – remember people’s answers.
“I don’t mean to be a nosy neighbour, but ask questions about what people are up to,” Tebbey says. “If they’re gardening, ask what they’re planting – be interested in what people share.” And once someone tells you their dog’s name or where they’re about to go on holiday, try your best to remember (even if it means writing it down once you’re home) so you can continue the conversation next time you cross paths.
“It’s not about grand gestures or sharing everything about yourself with your neighbours. In fact, it’s almost the opposite,” Tebbey says. “It’s small but meaningful interactions and taking interest in each other’s lives, but without any sense of expectation.”
Find common ground
“If you focus on your own interests it’s amazing how suddenly you’ll connect with people who share those,” Tebbey says. “You immediately have a bond.”
Holly Scott, 32, was living near the Bourke Street Community Garden in Woolloomooloo, Sydney, for almost a year before she visited. According to Scott, who has since moved even closer to the garden, it was the composting system that drew her in.
“I initially joined the garden because I wanted somewhere to dispose of my kitchen waste other than the red bin where it ends up in landfill,” she says. “But once I started going, I loved the other aspects of the garden so much that I became involved in things – although I still find the composting very satisfying.”
Scott is now the garden’s treasurer and a member of the planning committee. The garden has introduced her to many people in her neighbourhood. “It’s pretty much impossible for me to go to markets on a Saturday morning or take my dog Basil for a walk without running into someone from the garden.”
The little things
When Daniel and Luke Mancuso’s mother was murdered by their father in 2013, it was their neighbour who first raised the alarm, contacting their aunt, who lived nearby. The neighbour, who they affectionately refer to as Yiayia (Greek for grandmother), became a source of comfort during a time of tragedy, passing meals over the fence.
Since publishing their book Yiayia Next Door, the brothers have worked to spread the importance of looking after your neighbours – even in the tiniest ways.
“It doesn’t have to require a lot of effort. It can be as simple as bringing your neighbour’s bins closer to their house [or] trading bottles of wine,” Daniel says. “If it wasn’t for our sweet angel next door, and her generosity in a time where we didn’t see the world as kind, we wouldn’t have had any closure or hope.”
With a little intention and care, it’s possible to build meaningful connections with the people around you. And as the weather gets warmer and the days start to feel a little longer, there’s no better time to start.
