If Kristen Stewart does something with her hair, I immediately want to do that thing with my own. For years, I pined for short haircuts like the shaggy white-blonde one she has ultimately become known for over the course of her career. Last year I bit the bullet and finally cropped all my hair off into a pixie—that’s the exact moment Stewart started growing hers out. God dammit. 

These days Stewart has been slowly but surely letting her hair extend farther and farther past her shoulders, and it seems she’s recently cut it into an asymmetric lob that’s got me salivating for longer hair once again. I can never know peace. 

Stewart has been seen wearing the haircut on the red carpets of the Cannes Film Festival in France—as recently as today, May 24, at a photocall for her upcoming film Crimes of the Future. In a bright yellow-blonde hue with her naturally sandy brown color peeking through at the roots, this hair sweeps right at Stewart’s collarbone on her left side and slightly higher on the right. 

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Could this just be the result of a very extreme side-part? Potentially. One way or another…. I have to have this hair now. I don’t care all that much that my current hair barely even grazes my neck, it’s so short—I’ll bite the bullet and take all the Biotin and slather my entire existence in rosemary oil if it means that I can have hair that looks anything like this. It’ll take forever, but that’s the price I pay. Thanks, Kristen Stewart

This story originally appeared on Allure.

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